But Can You Say I Love You to Yourself?

Valentine’s Day is here, and once again, we’re hit with the idea of love in big, grand gestures — red roses, heart-shaped boxes of chocolates, lacy skivvies (made of plastic). The idea society has been sold is that love looks a certain way, something you receive from someone else — someone special, someone you’re worthy enough to receive love and affection from. But here’s the truth: love starts with you. If you can’t say “I love you” to yourself, who will?

For too long, we’ve been told that love is a validation you’re supposed to earn. But what if real love, the truest form of it, begins with the relationship you have with yourself? Self-love isn’t something to wait for, but something to declare, right now, in this moment.

Self-love is more than self-care. It’s not just about treating yourself to a spa day. It’s about saying “I love me” every single day without conditions, without waiting for a promotion, a new relationship, or a “perfect” version of yourself. You deserve love simply because you are you. You don’t have to prove anything. The truth is: if you can’t be the first to say it, how can you expect anyone else to?

When you love yourself fully, you stop chasing validation from outside sources. You stop looking for approval from others, because you’ve already given it to yourself. And in doing so, you free yourself to live authentically, to build a life that aligns with your deepest desires, not someone else’s expectations. Only then can you attract a person worthy of saying it externally to you.

But here’s the catch: Saying “I love you” to yourself might feel weird at first. In fact, it might feel super cringe and uncomfortable, maybe even a little disgusting (not like our super soft underwear). You might think, ew gross, who would love me? But that’s the thing about self-love — it’s not always easy, and it’s not always comfortable. In fact, the resistance you feel might be the very thing that shows you where you need the most healing.

So, stay with that discomfort. Sit in it. Say “I love you” again, and again, and again, even if it feels unnatural. Keep saying it until you don’t feel those walls of weirdness or disgust anymore. The more you say it, the more the words will land in your heart, and the more natural it will become. Love doesn’t always feel effortless at first, but that’s where the magic happens: in the doing, in the practicing, in the showing up for yourself.

Self-love also means embracing the messiness of being human — the flaws, the mistakes, the imperfections. It’s not about being perfect; it’s about accepting yourself as you are, right here and now. Because the reality is: you’re worthy of love in every form, even in the moments when you feel less than your best.

So, this Valentine’s Day, start with yourself. Don’t wait for someone else to be the first to tell you that you’re enough. Say “I love you” to yourself. Let go of the myths and stories you’ve been told about love and success. You get to define it for yourself. In doing so, you’ll unlock a whole new way of loving — not just yourself, but the unique life you’ve created. Because real love, and real success, can only exist when you’re the first to give it to yourself.